On March 4th, 2012, I
obeyed Jesus and declared my faith in Him as my Savior by entering into the
waters of baptism. I also shared my testimony, telling about how God saved me
and what He saved me from, even though I was so underserving of His wonderful
grace. I decided to put my testimony here on my blog, for anyone who may be
interested in reading it. It is my prayer that it may be an encouragement to
you, and a proclamation of God saving the worst sinner I know, myself. As I
read through it just the other night, it put me at awe (once again) at how
amazing God is, and how thankful I am for His grace. So, here it is; just one
of many stories of God’s goodness, Christ’s sacrifice, and how a totally
undeserving sinner is now living in joy…all because of His wonderful mercy and grace...
"My
name is Brooke Myers, and I am 16 years old, with a story I’m sure quite a few
of you can relate to. I was born into a Christian home and attended church as a
little girl. In 7th grade I transferred from public school to The River Academy,
a private Christian school here in Wenatchee. During my time there, I
maintained good grades, had a steady job, earned my own money, and participated
in competitive swimming for nine years. I swam year-round for the Barracuda
club swim team, and then eventually during the fall for Eastmont high school.
On year-round swimming, I placed first numerous times, and went to championship
meets. For High school, I made it to districts and continued on to state.
According to the world’s standards, my friends, and even my parents, teachers,
and coaches, I was a pretty good girl...and I knew it. As a matter of fact, I
loved it, and I began to find my identity in being approved by others. I became
very good at appearing humble when I spoke to people, however, my ultimate goal
was for them to know about all of my wonderful accomplishments that I had
fought so hard to achieve. I aggressively sought the approval from other
people, depending and relying on their praises for the things I had
accomplished. I became identified by not only the things I did, but also the
things I didn’t do. I never did drugs, drank alcohol, or “partied hard”, which
brought me to a point where I was self-reliant and self-righteous. However, I
did feel distant from God and began to question if I ever really knew Him. So
began the next stage of my life.
To get to know God better, and make myself feel better, I set out to
read the Bible in a year, journal, participate in Bible studies, and pray
during the day instead of just at night. How did this all work out? Well, I
read probably one book of the Bible that whole year, did a journal entry about
once every two weeks, and I still ended up falling asleep when I prayed at
night. One of the entries I did write explains the desperate need I was feeling
for someone to intervene. In August 2010 I wrote:
“I
feel like my spiritual life is going down a drain. I keep messing up. I don’t
have a clear view of what’s right and what’s wrong. I don’t feel a connection
with God. This hurts so much to say, but it’s true. I want to start new. A new
day, a new life, a new road ahead of me.”
Up to this point, I had tried to find acceptance and approval from other
people and myself. I didn’t realize it at the time, but looking back I see how
my idols were eating at my soul, which is ironic because I kept feeding them
with my time, my energy, and ultimately my heart…but that just left me empty,
desperate and lonely. These idols did not speak to me, nor did they care in the
least about me.
Praise the Lord that my story and His story don’t end there. He was in
the middle of authoring a greater story, one that would show the greatness of
His Son’s work, rather than mine. God did intervene; He changed my heart, and
filled me with the Holy Spirit, but most of all, by His grace alone, He crushed
my idols and forgave me for worshiping them instead of him. In Titus 3, Paul
couldn’t have explained it any better when he says:
“But
when God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, he saved us, not because of
the righteous things we have done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our
sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously
poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior. Because of his
grace, he declared us righteous and gave us confidence that we will inherit
eternal life.”
This passage hits all the key things I was struggling with, and spoke to
them. God saved me, not because of any
righteous thing I had done, but because of His mercy. All the ways I was
trying to get closer to God were wasteful, and some of them were even sinful.
That’s why it’s so ironic to think I had done it all, when really I had nothing
to boast in. The Lord revealed to me it isn’t about my “achievements”, but what
Christ has done. Understanding this brought me to true repentance, humility,
and ultimately to Jesus. Now, kneeling at the cross, I am blessed with a new
life, a new heart. My previous sinful desires are gone; I am released and set
free! By God’s grace, I am declared righteous and now I don’t have to find
acceptance from all the things I have previously been pouring myself out for. I
have full acceptance in Christ. I have been gifted worth, value, and an
identity in Him alone.
While I still struggle with the idols of achievement and approval from
others and myself, I have found that the Holy Spirit is helping me not to
merely behave better, but to believe better -- to believe bigger, to believe
fuller, deeper, more passionately that Christ has secured what we could not.
Everything I sought after -- my need for approval, for security, for
meaning, for acceptance -- was and is found in His full and final acceptance of
me in Christ. I have been freed from the obsessive compulsion to perform, to
earn and to work for God’s approval. My identity is now anchored in Christ’s
performance, not mine; His strength, not mine; His accomplishment, His
perfection, His work, His righteousness, not mine. Work is finished, rest
secured. Performance done. I now know that because I don’t have to do anything to
please God, I am now free to do everything for Him!"
